One Month till release

I write this on the evening my final headshots have been released. The book is ready to go and in just one month's time, it will be out in the world. There is nothing to do but wait, so I wanted to take the time to reflect not only on how long this journey has been, but also to acknowledge it has only just begun.

From the moment I began writing this book up to now, so much has changed. I am, and will always be, grateful for it all. But I know there is much change ahead. I've often known vulnerability is something I found scary. Particularly when I would perceive myself in a position of weakness.

I think writing and becoming an author forced me to confront that fear head on. By no means am I there and the thought that my work will soon be out for public consumption does make me nervous.

But I do feel ready. Ready to take it all on and face it. I am excited and I know this is what I want to do with my life.

Enjoying Obscurity

Let me say this first, by no means do I think I am about to make best seller's lists or have Oprah calling for an interview. By obscurity, I mean I am enjoying the act of not putting myself 'out there' like I will have to do soon. I think any artform, be it writing, music or otherwise, requires a degree of attention seeking. So by 'enjoying obscurity', I mean I am enjoying this quiet period of normality before the very strange process of releasing the book begins.

Every Emotion All At Once

For a long time, the release of the book felt distant and the emotions that came with its publication were subdued. The excitement, nerves and gratitude all felt mild because the release was something so far away. It was therefore easy to compartmentalise it all and I could move through the motions of life, telling myself I could wait to feel it all because I had time.

Now, with a month to go, those emotions come in larger waves and the time I had is now dwindling to just a few weeks and days. As the title says, every emotion is felt. Sometimes all at once, sometimes in moments. I find it funny, and by no means am I the first person to write about this, but the difference between imagining achieving your dreams and the reality of doing so is a strange experience.

I am of course, excited and happy. To be able to have achieved something I have always wanted to is incredible. I have written a book I am proud of and a story I feel deserves a place in the world. Whether on a bookshelf or online, I am excited to see it released out into the world with my name attached to it.

It is the fact it can be so openly consumed (be that consumption positive or negative) which makes me nervous. To write is to be vulnerable and I find the relationship between writing vulnerably and then asking an audience to part ways with money to read, critique and then either appreciate or disregard work to be unsettling. Something I clearly need more time to process. It is that relationship which makes me nervous as it is something I am new to. Never in my life have I released something like this which opinions can be given so freely.

In time, I will learn to cope. My ego will fortify.

Essentially, I'll get over myself.

Embracing A New Career

Even since I announced the publication of the book back in October 2024, I called myself a writer in with a whisper. It is a strange concept and many have spoken about what constitutes being a 'writer'. I do not believe one must have published work to call themselves a writer.

If you write, you write.

So slowly, I have begun to embrace this new career for myself. Balancing my full time job, along with this second and everything else life throws at me has been a fun learning experience.

But as the year has progressed and I have met people who ask "What do you do?" I never rushed to tell people my book would be published. In fact, it was often friends who had to tell others. Apologies to my publisher and agent who are likely frustrated at this - marketing was never really something I was keen on.

Maybe in time, when someone asks the question again, I will lead with the writing and tell them openly I am published. For now however, even with a month to go, I am still slowly embracing the fact this is part of my life.

No Expectations

It has been eye opening to learn about the publishing and writing business. It seems to be changing month upon month and long gone are the days where a book can be published to live a life of its own. I'll keep my personal thoughts on the industry secret for now.

There really can be no expectations. It is not my place, nor am I interested in discussing why some books sell hundreds whilst others more deserving sit to gather dust and be forgotten about. Whatever fate lies ahead for my work, lies ahead.

Good writing is good writing. It is the audience who will decide that irrespective of what critics say. Then throw in the complications of online algorithms and coding that can place a book to the front of the line and leave others to webpages never clicked upon and you have a perfect storm. One which I feel no desire to master or understand.

Again, I hear the groans of my publisher and agent.

But this perfect storm is out of my control. I can do nothing but release it out in to the world and know that the world will do with it what it wants to.

Success means something different to everyone. Would I like it to be a best-seller? Of course. Do I think it will happen? Let's just say I've recently renewed my contract at my full time job.

Success to me, is a stranger coming up to me and telling me a chapter in the book helped them process something they have battled with for their entire life. I read and write to make sense of the very strange world we live in. If my writing can do that for someone else then I have been successful.

This To Shall Pass

I would describe myself as a realist. I think it came from my parents. Both grew up in Essex during the 50s and 60s and they both personify the 'It is what it is' way of living more than anyone I know. Inevitably, it has rubbed off onto me.

We live in a fast paced, online world nowadays. A world ran by a "You have 5 seconds to impress me." attitude. Even with a month to go, the release of this book has been a large part of my life for over a year.

For others however, this is just one moment which they will see and move on with their day. In a month the book will be out, some people will know and others will have no idea. Give it a few weeks and even for those who know, the book will play no part in their day to day thoughts.

Put simply, a few weeks after its release no one will care. Something or someone else will take the place of their concentration.

So why should I really place too much importance on it? Besides, there are new books to write and stories to tell. It is the way of life in today's world. You have a moment in the spotlight and then you give way to someone else.

For me, I am just grateful to have a moment, no matter how long it lasts for.

Final Thoughts

A month from now, I will be able to say I have a book published and my dreams have come true. I am excited, nervous and grateful. The Men He Met Along The Way has, for the best part, been a huge part of my life for two and a half years. I have loved it, hated it, grown bored and tired of it.

Overall, I will be happy once it is released and will soon let it go. In a strange way, I am excited for the future beyond its release more than for the release itself. I am a better writer now than I was when I started writing this novel two and half years ago.

So with just a month to go, I cannot wait to write the stories I will write in the future.

However when the time comes, I will know it was The Men He Met Along The Way which allowed me to do so.